Truthfully, I should have written this letter in March and June. The fact that I’m writing it in July, breaks my heart. Every level of me feels like a failure. My magazine is so young, yet it’s already had two massive failures in its lifetime. We just couldn’t release planned issues because everything fell out.
While DORD was falling apart, so was I.
Behind closed doors, I was in agony. It seemed like everyone was congratulating me on DORD, putting me on their personal founders list, and anticipating the future of something I was ready to bury.
I was speaking beautiful prophecies over others, caring for them, and supporting them when dreams felt impossible—but I couldn’t speak over myself. I was drowning in my fears, intrusive thoughts, and worst case scenarios. To make things worse, no one threw me a life raft, even when I started to speak publicly about my struggles.
One day it hit me that instead of loving myself—I was loving everyone else. Because if I could love everyone, then I never had to deal with the habits that kept me tied to worst case scenarios and fears.
The pages that follow welcome in a new era for both DORD and myself.